We all have male friends. They are great guys, who we may, or may not, have dated. But, as the circumstances came to fruition, he wasn’t your ‘Mr. Right’. And, since both of you were on the same page, being friends just seemed like the inevitable course of action.
Then, the typical cycle, that always transpires, with your male friend occurred. The guy disengages with all of their female friends as they become engulfed in a new romance. Whether this is because they have an insecure girlfriend, or they just can’t find a balance between their friends and love life, we all have to accept the phone conversations coming to a screeching halt as the friend you once had goes into hibernation.
As the dawn arises on a new day for you, the phone calls all of a sudden, again, begin with your male friend. And, you know, that their relationship has completed its sequence of events…ending as most do. As you effortlessly engage in conversation, you resume your friendship. You end up meeting with your friend and your relationship now feels a bit different. With time, you had forgotten how much you like spending time with him and why you are friends in the first place. You talk openly about family, career, friends, relationships and the future. He asks you ALL of the right questions, and he responds to yours with THE PERFECT answers. In your head you think, ‘WOW, maybe Mr. Right was in front of me all along. Maybe it was all about the right timing…and this is it!’
Since this person has been a great friend of yours for years, you already have a common denominator. You aren’t meeting someone new, so there is no need to play the game called ‘20 Questions’ to figure out, ‘who are you’ and ‘are you who you say you are’. Our walls are down and we are ‘friends’. And, we all know that we are supposed to be in a relationship with a ‘friend’…so wouldn’t this be a great match!
Oh yes, things go perfectly. You go out to dinner, meet up for lunch, watch movies on the couch together…ohhhh, it almost seems like you’re a couple already…and it’s only been a week. As things quickly progress, the inevitable occurs and you make sweet, passionate ‘love’ together.
And, what happens next? Yes…the phone calls end.
WHAT?! I don’t get it. What happened? Where did things go wrong?
We replay the entire scenario back in our heads dozens of times, we talk to our friends, family, everyone…just trying to understand what could have made him turn away so quickly. Did we not ‘satisfy’ him? Is he back together with his ex-girlfriend? Did he meet someone else? These questions continuously enter our minds, almost as if we entered into an X-rated website and the pop-ups won’t end.
So…what really happened?
Mr. Rebound reared his ugly head. He had just gotten out of a relationship and needed someone to get over ‘Miss. I Just Dumped You.’ He was feeling lonely, he didn’t know how to get back onto the dating scene, and just needed someone to get over that first hurdle. And, he used you as his pawn.
Everyone is the same. After a relationship it’s hard to get back into the swing of things. You are used to going out to dinner, talking with that special someone everyday, watching movies on the couch together, etc. And, since he knows you as a friend, it’s easy to fill that void with you.
However, what he failed to realize was that he was going to cross that threshold with you – i.e. engage in that intimate moment. When the time came, in both senses, and woke up with you the next day, he realized that it wasn’t you he wanted. He doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend, he merely needed to have rebound ‘lovin’. Realistically, you can’t blame him. Everyone needs a good rebound after getting out of a committed relationship. No matter what, when you are intimate with someone, even if you are by yourself, your mind will continually go back to the last person you were intimately involved with. Therefore, ‘the rebound’ is the perfect instance to hit the ground running back into the dating scene.
What happens with men and women as we get older is that meaningless one night stands are less fruitful. We desire a more emotional connection, and when it isn’t there, even when you are intimately engaged, you are thinking about the last time you had intimacy with someone who meant more. Since that emotional connection is desired more, friends are a great resource.
Don’t let the last relationship you had bring you down, as you sit and contemplate what you could have done better, or what he could have done to make it work! It isn’t going to…nor will he again (read X-factor immediately if you are even considering this). And, we can’t blame men for having a rebound, because we should be doing it ourselves! However, what I do recommend is for us to lay a new foundation for communication. There is absolutely no need to ruin an entire relationship for a rebound. So, let’s just be honest. Call up a friend, let them know how you feel and what you need. This way no one needs to gets their feelings hurt and has to wonder ‘what just happened.’
