Recycling – It’s All About the X-Factor

At some point the inevitable crosses each of our minds.  Yep, that exact same idea we contemplate at a certain moments in all of our lives.  To call or not to call the ex? – that is the question. 

Whether we are lonely, or just want an old face around to comfort us in a moment of desperation, or maybe it’s just the sex – it happens.  The dreaded ex’s somehow resurface and ideas begin to bounce around in our heads during moments of weakness. It’s amazing how time allows people to only remember the good memories, somehow eliminating the bad to give credence to the flash of joy that could surmount if you just made that call. 

You know how there are stories about twins that were separated at birth, who can feel the pain of their twin.  I’m convinced that is the same detection ex’s have.  Somehow ex’s know exactly when you are feeling this way and decide to call us.  You are at your weakest moment, usually alone, and just need a little of the opposite sex to cheer you up.  As you look down at their name on your caller ID, once again, the instant gratification churns in your mind, knowing you could have them there to fulfill your immediate need by just answering the phone. 

It’s called recycling for a reason – it has a good connotation associated with it, right?  No new numbers are added.  It’s a person that is familiar to you.  It’s effortless.  Bring the ex around for Round 2, or in some instances, Round 76.  Whatever, no one is judging here.  But this is the point where it gets tricky.  Someone is bound to still have some form of emotional connection to the other person and thus the idea is cultivated to ‘give it another shot’. 

Back up for one minute.  Ex’s are just that, an X, for a reason.  Do not get the ‘X’ confused with the sign for crossing – maybe the DMV should have referenced the meaning of ‘X’ before putting it on a sign for ‘Railroad Xing’.  The ‘X’ in front of your last relationship should not mean, let’s cross that street again and see what’s going to happen this time.  ‘They’ve changed.  I can tell they are a different person now.’  I’m going to take a stab in the dark at this one – it’s not going to work.  Why?  Because you played that same game before.  It will be perfect for a few days, maybe weeks, and then everything begins to rear its ugly head.

Oh yes, all of a sudden each person remembers everything bad that the other person has ever done to them in the past.  And once that threshold is crossed, oh yes, the x-factor is put into play.  Think about the worst fight you and your ex ever got into.  Then, multiply that fight by 10 and you get the first fight of the new relationship. 

It’s the same thing as an addict.  Prior to any recovery, if they were increasing their tolerance of their chosen substance at 2X every month, even in recovery their body will still produce the same rate of tolerance to that substance.  Therefore, if they relapse, they will be able to abuse at the newly multiplied rate.  I truly believe that same equation can be applied to a relationship. If you and your ex were fighting at a level of 5, by the time you get back together, the level of your first fight is going to be at 7.  It’s a truly vicious cycle.

I want everyone to do me a favor when they breakup with someone.  At the moment you breakup, write down the top 10 arguments or things that drove you crazy.  Keep that special little piece paper in a safe place because you will need it down the road. Then, the next time you have this marvelous idea crossing your mind about giving your ex a call, or answering your ex’s phone call, take out that piece of paper and read it.  My guess is, by the time you get halfway through that sheet, recycling of the ex is going to seem like a pretty appalling choice to make.  Most likely there won’t even be a decision to be made – just plain ignore and forget about recycling – trash it.

P.S.  If you are having difficulty taking out the trash with your past ex’s, do the same thing.  Just take a trip down memory lane and revisit that relationship in its entirety during an evening (recommendation: have at least 1 bottle of wine at your fingertips).  Take the time to think about how it really ended, what really drove you nuts, and write it down to remember exactly why you aren’t with them.  If you need to go through your entire phone and do this with every ex, it’s a task worth investing in.

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