‘I Miss You’ – A Phrase Lost in Translation

It sometimes happens when you least expect it.  As you look down at your text messages, where there was once radio silence, you now see a name you had not anticipated.  You stare at the screen for a moment as the shock settles in your stomach.  It’s kind of like when you have a voicemail from someone you know is upset with you and listening to it is the last thing you want to do.  You wait days, or even weeks, until that instant when you can handle whatever is going to be said, as you swiftly erase it.

With this text message, you wait, analyzing if you really want to read it.  With time, they have gone from daily thoughts to a vague remembrance.  Yet, there is something drawing you to open it.  And, as you read it, there before you is the dreaded message – ‘I miss you.’   

As a woman, the first thing that pops into our heads is what we would mean when we sent that message…that we truly missed the person.  We want to see them and continue whatever initially began.  Maybe, with time, you realized that an issue got blown out of proportion.  Or perhaps that you were searching for greener pastures when the perfect field was in front of you all along.  Either way, when we say we miss someone, and are willing to send a message with those words, we understand the premise.

But, we are not men.  As a matter of fact, in order to translate one language to the other we need an interpreter that understands not only both languages, but the slang terminology that often gets misconstrued.  And since few of those exist, ‘I miss you’ is one of those phrases that gets lost in translation. 

So, what does it mean when a man sends a text telling you, ‘I miss you’? 

There are a few fundamental thoughts around this phrase when it is sent.  And, with that said, let’s review them.

1. The ‘I’m Lonely’ - I miss you.  This oftentimes is communicated when a man is without a woman in his life, even for a mere second.  He thinks back at those ‘good girls’ he once dated and says ‘man, I miss her’, until his head turns to the girl sitting next to him and gets distracted…again.  And, at this point, he no longer misses you.
2. The ‘I heard you were happy’ – I miss you.  A man will find out through friends that you are in a great relationship and it is getting serious.  No matter what, when a man had a relationship with a woman, there is still that caveman mentality of ‘she’s mine’.  He doesn’t want you to be happy, especially if he isn’t, nor does he want another man touching what was once was his.  Therefore, he knows by sending you this text, it will make you take a step back and contemplate your existing relationship…and create a little turmoil in your life.
3. The ‘I want to make sure I can still have you’ – I miss you.  This is the most common of all ‘I miss you’s’ and has two sub-types.
   1. If you were the one who called off the dating/relationship because it wasn’t the right fit for you, he probably waited awhile to text you.  He really thought that you were going to call and ask to see him again.  And, when that time never came, he waiting until it drove him nuts and sent you this message.  He can not believe that a woman would ever turn him away, and thus, he wants what he can not have.   
   2. Now, if the relationship faded into the horizon because he wanted to keep his wings spread wide enough to date everyone – i.e. commitment-phobic – this is another subset.  You stuck around just long enough to realize he wasn’t ready for a relationship and slowly the communication with him diminished.   After going through his phone he probably said, ‘hey, what happened with that girl?’  And, to make sure he still has you at his fingertips, he sends you the ‘I miss you’ text.  Though he probably has a plethora of women eager and ready to drop everything upon his next whim, he still wants you to be one of ‘those girls’. 

Any way that this phrase is said, this man does not really ‘miss you’ the way that you would mean it if you told him that you missed him.  And, because you are inclined to respond with your emotions, you do, typically sending a sincerely nice message back to him.  As he receives the message, he smiles and knows that you are just a phone call away from sitting in bed next to him.

Few times does a man really mean what he is writing/speaking.  So, as men continue to try to widen the communication gap between women and themselves, we will do our best to find a particularly proficient translator to help us understand what is meant by the phrases that have, to date, been lost in translation.