The True Playboy –Who Deserves This Title?

‘Playboy’ is one of those terms we grant to men, much like the word ‘slut’ with women.  But how many of us really can spot a playboy in their natural habitat?  I too was one who thought I could spot one like a hippo trying to blend with gazelles.  However, what I found was that those who are true playboys are a kind of their own and are quite ingenious at their own game. 

The playboy we typically utilize in our everyday vernacular is one who easily draws a new women into their chambers at the end of evening, never to speak to them again.  Or, maybe calls them up for a quickie months down the road.  There is no true game in this. Why?  Let me explain.

Women have decided to let men run with this term playboy, without having to live up to the true definition.  Come on.  If a woman wants to drop her panties at the word ‘athlete’ or ‘millionaire’, that’s your own prerogative.  But, let’s not give a man the term ‘playboy’ when it’s not deserved.  Hey, if you are both on the same page…whatever, go for it…no judging should occur.  And, might I mention, you can’t get upset or go crazy on him when he doesn’t call you.  You took the bait – and might I add that it looked like a piece of rubber at the end of a hook, he didn’t even try to mask it as a worm.  And, since you were ignorant enough to take the poorly disguised bait, shame on you.   

So, what is a real playboy?

A REAL playboy is one that can make a woman nearly fall for him in a single evening, and you will still think you have a chance for months until you finally realize…you’ve been played. 

Let’s depict a typical scenario that could transpire for a true playboy and his prey.

The evening will begin by meeting someone who you perceive to be a complete gentleman.  He introduces himself to your friends and has conversations with everyone in the group.  Though he may befriend your cohorts, he is still discussing you with them, trying to get in-depth information into your persona.  Your first thought is, ‘WOW, he is really interested in me.  Look at the time he is investing in getting to know my friends and everything about me.’

As the night continues you will begin to spend more time in deep conversations with him, finding out about each other’s families, life goals, passions, etc.  Both of your foundations in life are so similar that it draws you even closer to each other.  When the night comes to an end, you even contemplate spending the night with him…but, decide against it.  The goodnight kiss is so passionate and he softly whispers in your ear, “I could kiss you forever” – or something to that affect.

The next morning he calls, asking you to go to brunch, or some other daytime activity.  You think in your head, ‘He really does like me and wants to get to know me more.’  During this moment you have an amazing time and again kiss, planning your next meeting.  And, by the next evening, you cannot help or resist your connection with him, as your panties fall to the floor and the inevitable occurs. 

As the day breaks, you wake up and turn to your side…wondering how he is going to react.  Don’t act like you haven’t had this moment of contemplation before.  It is the easiest way to gauge a man.  When he is super sweet in the morning and gives you a kiss, there is something more.  If he talks about everything he has to do that day (i.e. play golf, a meeting, etc.) and rushes you out the door, it means it was a one night stand.  It’s as easy as that!  And, this guy gives you a huge hug and kiss. 

The days and weeks progress and you continue to speak on the phone and via text.  However, a few months later you realize that you haven’t seen him in weeks, the conversations have dissipated and the texts are sporadic.  And, at this moment you realize…hey, I was totally played.  That’s when you know you have met a real playboy.  You continued to talk and things just slowly ended.  And, you never saw it coming.  This is a playboy worth the term.  And for that, I will not hate the player…I can only respect his vast efforts.  Beware, this TRUE playboy is out there and you could be his next victim.  However, it doesn’t hurt and you kind of respect the guy.  Which is why I cannot give guys the term playboy if they don’t deserve it .

The Pedestal – To Be Placed Upon A Throne or Be Dethroned?

From the time we are little girls we imagine the fantasy relationship every storybook has depicted.  Our knight in shining armor will round the corner, our eyes will meet and we will know we have found “the one.”  Immediately, we fall in love, get married, have children…and the rest is history.  

But do grown women really want the fairytale? 

Let’s just say that we actually do meet this so-called ‘Prince Charming’, who thinks that we are the most amazing woman he has ever met.  Everything we do is ‘perfect’ to him.  Every bat of the eyelash, pick of the nose and sass-mouthed comment is met with a smile and a kiss on the check.  Truly, every idiosyncrasy is adored and we can do no wrong to convince him otherwise. 

We become the woman on a pedestal.  Even the most vicious villain could not bring us down from the clouds he has placed us upon.  When a bad day enters the arena, Prince Charming just raises his sword and tries to find the easiest resolution to bring that smile onto your fair face.  He offers to buy you ice cream, take you to dinner at your favorite restaurant, or to that island you have been dying to visit for the last few months…anything for his queen.

This sounds perfect right?

In the ‘real world’, we are all Looney Tunes, trying to find other characters that appreciate our flaws and help us utilize the tools we have been given to the  best of our abilities.  When someone thinks we are perfect and tries to put a band aid over every bruise, covering up the issues, it doesn’t work.  And yes, as women, there are times that each of us cause our own bad days.  Sad, but an inherent truth.  Maybe we did something incorrectly at work, resulting in the scene from Office Space where every boss above us has to remind us that we improperly filled out the TPS report.  Either way, we have to take accountability for our own actions and errors.

And then, as usual, Prince Charming comes around to save the day.  He thinks that we are flawless and could never have faulted to justify this behavior.  The result is an inevitable course of action.  We will start creating our own obvious faults…subconsciously, of course.  We may moan at him for going out for ‘guys night’ and not calling 14 times, even though he called twice like he usually does.  On a side note:  Don’t call when  either of you is out on girls’ or guys’ night, have fun…see each other at the end of the night for some frisky business in bed…you will appreciate the other WAY more!.  Or, perhaps you tried the previously mentioned, less jarring route, and it didn’t work.  So, you decide to escalate it to the next level and accidentally make out with another guy. 

At this point, he could even get upset.

But, since you are on your pedestal, you know that you have the ability to make him see ‘your point of view.’  As you quickly come up with ‘why’ you did this, he begins to believe you and accept it as his own fault.  You say that it was because you were insecure the last time he went out and you saw glitter on him…when you know darn well, the last time he was at a strip club was for his 21^st birthday.  You continue to illustrate how you felt like he was ‘pulling away’ from the relationship…that you did this because you needed to see HIS reaction and that if HE got upset, it really meant HE loved you.  Ahhhh, as the story unfolds you see him truly understanding ‘your perspective.’  And, by the time you have concluded the tale, he has taken full responsibility for YOUR inappropriate actions. 

As you wipe away the sweat from your brow, and the adrenaline-filled highs leave your body, you realize how terrible it feels.  Yet, he took the blame, so shouldn’t you be happy?  You got away with something…again.  But, when the guilt settles to the bottom of your stomach, you realize one thing…you will continually go through your life with this man putting you on a throne that you don’t deserve and don’t really want the responsibility of retaining. 

After some recognition about the situation at hand, you step down from your throne, smile and kiss him on the cheek.  In the end, it’s better to dethrone yourself than to have the responsibility of being the kind of perfection another man believes you have.  As long as you embrace the idiosyncrasies in the other person and call them out when they deserve it…realizing that those are the words that mean the most…you can build your own chairs, next to one another, that are a lot more comfortable than a throne.

Mr. Rebound – Are You Missing the Signs?

We all have male friends.  They are great guys, who we may, or may not, have dated.  But, as the circumstances came to fruition, he wasn’t your ‘Mr. Right’.  And, since both of you were on the same page, being friends just seemed like the inevitable course of action. 

Then, the typical cycle, that always transpires, with your male friend occurred.  The guy disengages with all of their female friends as they become engulfed in a new romance.  Whether this is because they have an insecure girlfriend, or they just can’t find a balance between their friends and love life, we all have to accept the phone conversations coming to a screeching halt as the friend you once had goes into hibernation.

As the dawn arises on a new day for you, the phone calls all of a sudden, again, begin with your male friend.  And, you know, that their relationship has completed its sequence of events…ending as most do.  As you effortlessly engage in conversation, you resume your friendship.  You end up meeting with your friend and your relationship now feels a bit different.  With time, you had forgotten how much you like spending time with him and why you are friends in the first place.  You talk openly about family, career, friends, relationships and the future.  He asks you ALL of the right questions, and he responds to yours with THE PERFECT answers.  In your head you think, ‘WOW, maybe Mr. Right was in front of me all along.  Maybe it was all about the right timing…and this is it!’

Since this person has been a great friend of yours for years, you already have a common denominator.  You  aren’t meeting someone new, so there is no need to play the game called ‘20 Questions’ to figure out, ‘who are you’ and ‘are you who you say you are’.  Our walls are down and we are ‘friends’.  And, we all know that we are supposed to be in a relationship with a ‘friend’…so wouldn’t this be a great match!

Oh yes, things go perfectly.  You go out to dinner, meet up for lunch, watch movies on the couch together…ohhhh, it almost seems like you’re a couple already…and it’s only been a week.  As things quickly progress, the inevitable occurs and you make sweet, passionate ‘love’ together. 

And, what happens next?  Yes…the phone calls end.

WHAT?!  I don’t get it.  What happened?  Where did things go wrong? 

We replay the entire scenario back in our heads dozens of times, we talk to our friends, family, everyone…just trying to understand what could have made him turn away so quickly. Did we not ‘satisfy’ him?  Is he back together with his ex-girlfriend?  Did he meet someone else?  These questions continuously enter our minds, almost as if we entered into an X-rated website and the pop-ups won’t end. 

So…what really happened?

Mr. Rebound reared his ugly head.  He had just gotten out of a relationship and needed someone to get over ‘Miss. I Just Dumped You.’  He was feeling lonely, he didn’t know how to get back onto the dating scene, and just needed someone to get over that first hurdle.  And, he used you as his pawn.

Everyone is the same.  After a relationship it’s hard to get back into the swing of things.  You are used to going out to dinner, talking with that special someone everyday, watching movies on the couch together, etc.  And, since he knows you as a friend, it’s easy to fill that void with you.

However, what he failed to realize was that he was going to cross that threshold with you – i.e. engage in that intimate moment. When the time came, in both senses, and woke up with you the next day, he realized that it wasn’t you he wanted.  He doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend, he merely needed to have rebound ‘lovin’.  Realistically, you can’t blame him.  Everyone needs a good rebound after getting out of a committed relationship.  No matter what, when you are intimate with someone, even if you are by yourself, your mind will continually go back to the last person you were intimately involved with.  Therefore, ‘the rebound’ is the perfect instance to hit the ground running back into the dating scene.

What happens with men and women as we get older is that meaningless one night stands are less fruitful.  We desire a more emotional connection, and when it isn’t there, even when you are intimately engaged, you are thinking about the last time you had intimacy with someone who meant more.  Since that emotional connection is desired more, friends are a great resource. 

Don’t let the last relationship you had bring you down, as you sit and contemplate what you could have done better, or what he could have done to make it work!  It isn’t going to…nor will he again (read X-factor immediately if you are even considering this).  And, we can’t blame men for having a rebound, because we should be doing it ourselves!  However, what I do recommend is for us to lay a new foundation for communication.  There is absolutely no need to ruin an entire relationship for a rebound.  So, let’s just be honest.  Call up a friend, let them know how you feel and what you need.  This way no one needs to gets their feelings hurt and has to wonder ‘what just happened.’

Recycling – It’s All About the X-Factor

At some point the inevitable crosses each of our minds.  Yep, that exact same idea we contemplate at a certain moments in all of our lives.  To call or not to call the ex? – that is the question. 

Whether we are lonely, or just want an old face around to comfort us in a moment of desperation, or maybe it’s just the sex – it happens.  The dreaded ex’s somehow resurface and ideas begin to bounce around in our heads during moments of weakness. It’s amazing how time allows people to only remember the good memories, somehow eliminating the bad to give credence to the flash of joy that could surmount if you just made that call. 

You know how there are stories about twins that were separated at birth, who can feel the pain of their twin.  I’m convinced that is the same detection ex’s have.  Somehow ex’s know exactly when you are feeling this way and decide to call us.  You are at your weakest moment, usually alone, and just need a little of the opposite sex to cheer you up.  As you look down at their name on your caller ID, once again, the instant gratification churns in your mind, knowing you could have them there to fulfill your immediate need by just answering the phone. 

It’s called recycling for a reason – it has a good connotation associated with it, right?  No new numbers are added.  It’s a person that is familiar to you.  It’s effortless.  Bring the ex around for Round 2, or in some instances, Round 76.  Whatever, no one is judging here.  But this is the point where it gets tricky.  Someone is bound to still have some form of emotional connection to the other person and thus the idea is cultivated to ‘give it another shot’. 

Back up for one minute.  Ex’s are just that, an X, for a reason.  Do not get the ‘X’ confused with the sign for crossing – maybe the DMV should have referenced the meaning of ‘X’ before putting it on a sign for ‘Railroad Xing’.  The ‘X’ in front of your last relationship should not mean, let’s cross that street again and see what’s going to happen this time.  ‘They’ve changed.  I can tell they are a different person now.’  I’m going to take a stab in the dark at this one – it’s not going to work.  Why?  Because you played that same game before.  It will be perfect for a few days, maybe weeks, and then everything begins to rear its ugly head.

Oh yes, all of a sudden each person remembers everything bad that the other person has ever done to them in the past.  And once that threshold is crossed, oh yes, the x-factor is put into play.  Think about the worst fight you and your ex ever got into.  Then, multiply that fight by 10 and you get the first fight of the new relationship. 

It’s the same thing as an addict.  Prior to any recovery, if they were increasing their tolerance of their chosen substance at 2X every month, even in recovery their body will still produce the same rate of tolerance to that substance.  Therefore, if they relapse, they will be able to abuse at the newly multiplied rate.  I truly believe that same equation can be applied to a relationship. If you and your ex were fighting at a level of 5, by the time you get back together, the level of your first fight is going to be at 7.  It’s a truly vicious cycle.

I want everyone to do me a favor when they breakup with someone.  At the moment you breakup, write down the top 10 arguments or things that drove you crazy.  Keep that special little piece paper in a safe place because you will need it down the road. Then, the next time you have this marvelous idea crossing your mind about giving your ex a call, or answering your ex’s phone call, take out that piece of paper and read it.  My guess is, by the time you get halfway through that sheet, recycling of the ex is going to seem like a pretty appalling choice to make.  Most likely there won’t even be a decision to be made – just plain ignore and forget about recycling – trash it.

P.S.  If you are having difficulty taking out the trash with your past ex’s, do the same thing.  Just take a trip down memory lane and revisit that relationship in its entirety during an evening (recommendation: have at least 1 bottle of wine at your fingertips).  Take the time to think about how it really ended, what really drove you nuts, and write it down to remember exactly why you aren’t with them.  If you need to go through your entire phone and do this with every ex, it’s a task worth investing in.

‘I Miss You’ – A Phrase Lost in Translation

It sometimes happens when you least expect it.  As you look down at your text messages, where there was once radio silence, you now see a name you had not anticipated.  You stare at the screen for a moment as the shock settles in your stomach.  It’s kind of like when you have a voicemail from someone you know is upset with you and listening to it is the last thing you want to do.  You wait days, or even weeks, until that instant when you can handle whatever is going to be said, as you swiftly erase it.

With this text message, you wait, analyzing if you really want to read it.  With time, they have gone from daily thoughts to a vague remembrance.  Yet, there is something drawing you to open it.  And, as you read it, there before you is the dreaded message – ‘I miss you.’   

As a woman, the first thing that pops into our heads is what we would mean when we sent that message…that we truly missed the person.  We want to see them and continue whatever initially began.  Maybe, with time, you realized that an issue got blown out of proportion.  Or perhaps that you were searching for greener pastures when the perfect field was in front of you all along.  Either way, when we say we miss someone, and are willing to send a message with those words, we understand the premise.

But, we are not men.  As a matter of fact, in order to translate one language to the other we need an interpreter that understands not only both languages, but the slang terminology that often gets misconstrued.  And since few of those exist, ‘I miss you’ is one of those phrases that gets lost in translation. 

So, what does it mean when a man sends a text telling you, ‘I miss you’? 

There are a few fundamental thoughts around this phrase when it is sent.  And, with that said, let’s review them.

1. The ‘I’m Lonely’ - I miss you.  This oftentimes is communicated when a man is without a woman in his life, even for a mere second.  He thinks back at those ‘good girls’ he once dated and says ‘man, I miss her’, until his head turns to the girl sitting next to him and gets distracted…again.  And, at this point, he no longer misses you.
2. The ‘I heard you were happy’ – I miss you.  A man will find out through friends that you are in a great relationship and it is getting serious.  No matter what, when a man had a relationship with a woman, there is still that caveman mentality of ‘she’s mine’.  He doesn’t want you to be happy, especially if he isn’t, nor does he want another man touching what was once was his.  Therefore, he knows by sending you this text, it will make you take a step back and contemplate your existing relationship…and create a little turmoil in your life.
3. The ‘I want to make sure I can still have you’ – I miss you.  This is the most common of all ‘I miss you’s’ and has two sub-types.
   1. If you were the one who called off the dating/relationship because it wasn’t the right fit for you, he probably waited awhile to text you.  He really thought that you were going to call and ask to see him again.  And, when that time never came, he waiting until it drove him nuts and sent you this message.  He can not believe that a woman would ever turn him away, and thus, he wants what he can not have.   
   2. Now, if the relationship faded into the horizon because he wanted to keep his wings spread wide enough to date everyone – i.e. commitment-phobic – this is another subset.  You stuck around just long enough to realize he wasn’t ready for a relationship and slowly the communication with him diminished.   After going through his phone he probably said, ‘hey, what happened with that girl?’  And, to make sure he still has you at his fingertips, he sends you the ‘I miss you’ text.  Though he probably has a plethora of women eager and ready to drop everything upon his next whim, he still wants you to be one of ‘those girls’. 

Any way that this phrase is said, this man does not really ‘miss you’ the way that you would mean it if you told him that you missed him.  And, because you are inclined to respond with your emotions, you do, typically sending a sincerely nice message back to him.  As he receives the message, he smiles and knows that you are just a phone call away from sitting in bed next to him.

Few times does a man really mean what he is writing/speaking.  So, as men continue to try to widen the communication gap between women and themselves, we will do our best to find a particularly proficient translator to help us understand what is meant by the phrases that have, to date, been lost in translation.

The Wingman – The New Male Accessory

Today, more than ever, you see men carrying around a new accessory – the Wingman. He comes in many shapes and sizes, but get one thing straight, he’s gunning for you. The Wingman wasn’t quite as prevalent in previous years, but go out to any club and they will be seen next to every woman.

OK, so what is a Wingman? The Wingman is a friend of a better looking, sometimes more successful guy. They tag around to help their friends pick up women and validate that they are who they say they are. The Wingman is usually not as attractive, not as sophisticated, and definitely not the type of guy you would date. Why is he willing to put himself in this position? Well, without his Wingman status, he won’t have the opportunity to make the same friends and be at the same places, because he doesn’t have the same connections, if he doesn’t.

So, why would the Wingman be next to every woman? Why wouldn’t the main guy be talking to the girl he was interested in? Whether this has transpired because the ‘Main Guy’, we will call him “Scott”, has lost all forms of communication except the sporadic grunt, I’m not sure. But, this new tactic is accelerating at a greater rate than ever before.

Typically both guys will come up to the woman and spark a conversation. The Wingman’s role is to ‘sell’ his friend. ‘Look at how great Scott is! He is the hottest, wealthiest, best guy you will ever meet – an all around all-star!’ Now, because you don’t feel threatened by Mr. Wingman, you may become intrigued, so you listen and begin to fall into their web. Don’t forget, word-of-mouth is much stronger than any person themselves telling you how wonderful they are, right? You think, a great guy, those are hard to come by – who knows maybe this is the last one standing.

Now here’s the catch. The Wingman is a salesman. No different than a used car salesman selling you on the features of a car you aren’t so interested in. If they excel at their role, by the end, the lemon looks more like a Mercedes. The Wingman is probably one of those really nice guys, someone you would be friends with, but NEVER date. He knows this and there is that non-verbal understanding between the two of you. You trust him, thinking that he probably was the kid that was picked on when he was younger, but has a great personality now to make up for it. The softer side of women gets us every time. We let down our walls with the Wingman because they aren’t trying to hit on us. But in reality, it is the Wingman’s role to hit on us for their friend.

We need to think of this situation like our email inbox. When we get unsolicited emails, we get ticked off. We want them to stop spamming us, delete them as quickly as possible and blacklist them from future communication. However, after having an interaction with a ‘brand’, we may choose to participate in a mailing list because we are now interested – i.e. an opt-in list – and actually read the email. Then we don’t have as much friction when the email enters our inbox and often even welcome the email itself.

This is exactly what men have figured out. Women don’t want to get spammed. We get hit on all of the time and just get annoyed – too many unsolicited inquiries. Our walls are up and we will block every guy within a 10 mile radius of us, knowing that they just want to get in our pants. Now, when Mr. Wingman talks to us, we don’t have our walls up. He isn’t spamming us, i.e. hitting on us. As we engage more freely in conversations, we actually like them and participate in a dialogue. No longer are we spammed, we have opted into communication.

The Wingman will stay by your side throughout the night as Scott flows in and out of the conversation, or even the vicinity. The Wingman is usually funny and nice, whereas Scott has little personality and needs the Wingman to carry the conversation. At the end of the night you may be inclined to give Scott your number, or follow him back to his place. This is where you have to take a step back. You haven’t even sat in the car yet, i.e. really spoken with Scott to get to know him. So, don’t take it for a test drive. You don’t even know the guy, except for what the Wingman has said about him. Whether it is the truth or not, err on the side of caution.

It’s a phenomenal tactic that men have figured out. The Wingman doesn’t want to be your friend, but is willing to put in the time and effort to help his friend out. He has one main goal – hype up his friend so much that he gets your number, or better yet, gets your panties off and into bed. But, I see it working more today than ever before. Men are becoming quite subtle with their new tactics for picking women up. I must commend them on their use of a multi-person approach – but we are catching on. A Wingman will never take the place of a real man having the ability to break down a woman’s walls in order to connect in a true conversation based on intelligence, humor and most of all – honesty.

Fishing – The New Dating Sport of Choice

Recently I became aware of BlackBerry Messenger (aka BBM).  As I quickly googled the term to figure out how the technology is used and the benefits of using this as opposed to text messaging, I became intrigued.  This tool has transformed text messaging from one-off communication, to conversations…or so I thought. 

There has always been a concern about text messaging in relationships.  It is now an easy way for men and women to veer away from putting themselves on the line.   It takes away the ‘Should I call?’ and ‘What will I say?’ questions that swim in your head prior to pushing the talk button on your phone.  (I will get into this topic with its own blog post, because it is well deserved.)

With BBM, this casual interaction has been taken to new heights.  In my recent experience, getting introduced to BBM caught me off guard.  But most importantly, it taught me a great lesson that I need to share with those who are still figuring out this new form of communication.  And, hopefully take the guessing out of a new game in the field of dating.

I was asked for my Blackberry PIN just the other week.  And, after going to the centralized source of Blackberry – crackberry.com – I found it and sent the PIN off to the prospective BBM contact.  Much to my surprise, within seconds, I received a response – an image file.  As my eyes focused in on the photo, I froze.  The image before me was sexual in nature, not full frontal, but enough to get ‘the picture’ of what he was trying to convey, and leaving little to my imagination. 

I didn’t understand it.  Had I portrayed myself as a slut?  What did he expect me to say or do in response to this unsolicited communication?

Within minutes I was having conversations with other women about their experiences with BBM.  Many of whom had pictures, similar in nature, sent to them through this channel.

I didn’t understand it.  How could men, who barely know the woman, send a sexual picture?  What did they expect in response?  Was this the new pornography ring beginning in a new channel?

Finally, after conversations with male friends, the unexpected answer appeared. The term is called ‘Fishing with the Cock’…and because I find this phrase completely repulsive and profane in nature, from here on out we will just use the term ‘Fishing’. 

So what is ‘Fishing’?  Men send out a sexual picture to numerous women ‘Fishing’ for a response.  Though some women are caught off guard and may delete this man from any form of communication thereafter, there are some who are willing to participate and send something back to them.  Even if the man gets one positive response, whether in the form of a picture or written communication, it’s been a viable strategy for him. 

Think of this in the framework of an email marketing campaign.  Marketers send out thousands of emails to their ‘target market’ each day trying to get a few ‘leads’.  There are some contacts will ‘opt-out’ of future communication, but we have found that the rates are typically low.  Many contacts will ignore the email and choose not respond.  But, there are a few who will be interested in the ‘offer’ and ‘click-through’ – potentially making a’ purchase’.  For years, email marketers have lived and died by these tactics and still present high Return on Investment (ROI). 

Today, men are using the same tactics to get the ‘sale’, i.e. get laid.  They send out a sexual picture to tens or hundreds of women who they want to have sex with, i.e. target market.  Some women may delete them from BBM and any form of communication.  Many may sit in wonderment analyzing the previous questions I mentioned, i.e. take no action.  But, a single response is all they are looking for.  And, at the rate that this is increasing, the ROI for them is well worth the few women who will ban them from future communication.  They have put forth very little time on their part, it has merely taken them a few seconds and he instantly knows which girls are easy prey and are interested in sex.

Though I do not consider myself ultra conservative, I do draw the line somewhere.  In this instance the line is when a man whom I barely know sends me, and who knows how many other women, a sexual picture in order to solicit a response.  And, it is a concern to me that women don’t realize that this is a ‘game’ and feel pressured to send a similar sexual picture in response.  Even if you like the guy who is sending the picture, I urge you to either not respond and eliminate all forms of communication, or even call him out on his ‘Fishing’ tactics.  I know there is the thought crossing your mind telling you that ‘he is different’ and that you might be ‘special’ because  he really does like you, I promise, you are not the only one.  Unless ‘special’ means that you are part of a vast number of women who he wants to have sex with, you are not special to him and he isn’t worth the headache.  Next time a man asks you for your Blackberry PIN, just think about whether you really want a sexual picture of him from the waist down.

Welcome to Broken Pickers!

In this crazy world of dating, men have changed their strategies for dating.  Gone are the days of ‘courting’.  Yes, this is pretty much dead in this world of instant gratification that we have all helped to create.  What happened to the time when a man gets your number, waits a few days, and then after the pressure of deciding exactly what he is going to say if you do pick up, or what message he will leave on your voicemail if you don’t, he finally calls.  After you decide on a day/time for dinner he picks you up with flowers, opens your car door and anxiously wonders if he will get a kiss on the cheek at the end of the date. 

Today, men are morphing and changing their tactics.  There is texting, BBMing, FaceBook, and all the rest of the Web 2.0 social media tools to utilize when you ‘date’…not to mention the fact that men are just getting more strategic about their ways to pick women up and find out if they are good for a one night stand or if there is something worth their effort.  As women, we have to stay ahead of the curve in order to decipher between the good guys and the ones that are just trying to get a piece of action.  So, with this blog, we will help uncover the different strategies and types of men that are on the emerging front.  We will help each other find clues to look for before we invest any time or energy.  In the end, dating is about Return on Investment (ROI).  How much time and energy we should invest versus what we are going to get back from the other person.

All of my girlfriends will be helping to facilitate this blog, but any stories you have, we want to hear as well.  Please write a comment or email us at talktome@brokenpickers.com.  You can also get play-by-play updates on Twitter when we are out on dates, in new cities searching for great men, or just out for girls’ night watching the ‘scenery’ – www.twitter.com/brokenpickers.